INTJ Mom's - With ENFP Daughters

I have an amazing daughter.  She's funny and intelligent and absolutely lights up my life.  

She's also an ENFP.  A TEENAGE ENFP.  There is a terrific post about ENFP children here and it rings so true for her.  

What it probably doesn't say is that ENFP and INTJ relationships are one of the most laughed about and talked about relationships in MBTI.  Where the INTJ is cast as all serious and prickly, the ENFP is the enthusiastic, heart warming, people loving polar opposite.   

Lucky for her, I'm her Mom and I couldn't run away screaming like a normal INTJ response would presume (lol).   

Imagine my relief when I was finally able to "figure her out" and we discovered her ENFP-ness.  I think she felt the same kind of relief to understand me, at long last.  Now it has become a source of entertainment for her (and for me) to point out those differences.  It gave us some common ground on which to work and probably saved us from driving each other insane as she has morphed into teenage ENFP.  

I discovered a great tactic a while ago to deal with her emotional teenage outbursts.  I talk to her, hug her, give sage advise... and when none of that works I let loose with an incredibly uncharacteristic emotional outburst of my own, complete with arm waving, tears and a voice that raises about two octaves.  At that point she's usually so flabbergasted to see me in such a state that she calms down.  Someday she might realize that it's just a little premeditated  *cackle*  Survival of the fittest, sweety!  I feel totally justified in this since she uses her people-intuition to push my buttons at every opportunity.  

Earlier today, in fact, as I was typing my previous blog post she came up and wrapped her arms around me and said "You're in Thinking mode."  I replied "Yep" and kept typing. She then laughed, squeeeeezed harder and started chanting and yelling "FEEL! I WANT YOU TO FEEL! DO IT!" I began laughing and told her that I was beginning to FEEL something and she was about to be it's recipient.  

She laughed, giggled and squeeeezed some more with glee "IT'S COMING! I CAN TELL!"  I gave a fake growl, snuggled back with her... and then told her to never marry an INTJ. She skipped away, proud of herself for getting me to break concentration and respond to her irrational quest.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not the most ill-prepared woman in the world to help this child grow into an adult.  She's a complete enigma to me and yet I love her unconditionally and fiercely.  The most entertaining person I know is this confusing little creature I call daughter.  I have no idea how I made something like that.  I'm so incredibly glad that I did.  

INTJ Children

Preemptive note:  This blog post is specifically intended for those interested in studying INTJ personalities.  It will be most helpful in hearing how an INTJ child viewed herself and the world around her, as well as hobbies and environmental factors.

I was a weird kid, I'm sure of it.  When I look back I find it difficult to separate how I felt and thought from the way others must have seen me.  I may be more self-aware now, but as a child I truly lived in a world of my own making.  There was zero concept of how my actions, words and interests were received by others, except to note from time to time a hostility aimed in my direction.  I didn't understand it.  

My thoughts were rarely angry and I never went out of my way to be purposely mean to someone... but I could build up intense dislike for bullies (even if I was not the one being bullied).  That would later turn me into a sort of champion and defender of the underdogs as I grew older.  As an adult I grow instantly wary of "public opinion" when whole groups of people choose to ostracize and attack a single individual.  I prefer to withhold judgement until I can make my own observations.  Quite often those "outsiders" become my friends.  

Children can be unforgiving though and when I look back on the course of my life I can't help but smile in pity and want to offer up a hug to the eight year old Me who felt so isolated and misunderstood.  I had friends (some of whom I still keep in touch with) but more often I found that I didn't quite fit in, and things that others seemed to do naturally were a complete mystery to me.  I wish I could have been there for her to offer up some advise but unfortunately she had to figure it out on her own.  Let me paint a picture.

My 5th birthday was three days too late to start kindergarten in 1985.  Thanks to my Aunt and cousin I was well versed on colors, numbers, shapes and alphabet singing... but I was "too little".  As soul-crushing as it was to have to wait "...a whole 'nother year!" it gave me a huge advantage the following year. By the time I entered school I could already read at a first or second grade level.  I was assigned to accelerated reading, writing and English classes in every school year (and yet I still repeatedly end sentences with prepositions).  I distinctly remember reading White Fang in third grade and being accused by my reading teacher (and all of my reading group peers) of lying about reading it and "creating" a storyline for my book report.  I literally had to show the teacher the ending of the book to prove that it wasn't at all like the movie (which I had never seen).  "White Fang does TOO end up in the South and in the end he has little puppies climbing on him!"  Whatever.  It seems that this incident still brings up feelings of resentment and indignation because expletives keep trying to leave my fingertips to make it onto this page.  I still have the original book... which is falling apart and has a most of the first pages missing.  I love that book.

Looking back it seems like teachers were always identifying me as "different"... sometimes in a positive way and other times very badly.  There didn't seem to be many passive spectators... they either offered me challenges or rode my proverbial arse constantly.  "Misty has so much potential.", "Misty doesn't pay attention in class.", "Misty doesn't complete her homework.", "Misty tested in the 95th percentile in the nation."  (Seriously, I kept this because I was shocked to learn that this 2nd grade teacher who I thought had hated me had written something like this to my parents.  I found it in my Mom's saved school works of ours when I was a teenager.)

Maybe because I "stood out" (for better or worse) I ended up in a large number of "special programs" and have no idea how it happened or who put me in them. I remember doing a movie-making class at the local tech college in fourth grade where we would ride a bus there and back, spending an hour or so learning how to use recording equipment and making a bad reproduction of The Wizard of Oz. On those days I was allowed to miss Math class... which was a blessing because she was another teacher who I'm pretty sure hated me.  I faked being sick more in her class than any other in the history of my school years and the school nurse began sending me directly back because I made such a common appearance at the same time of day so frequently.  One day the nurse caught me taking the long route back to class, hoping to delay my return until the period ended.  In that moment I was actually sad because I loved the school nurse and felt like I had let her down somehow.  I think that single year set me up for years of trouble in Math.  Add the lack of Math fundamentals to my avoidance of doing homework and it was a perfect storm.  Over the next few years I came to know the school principle pretty well because I never did my homework in elementary school... I knew him so well, in fact, that I helped organize a retirement party for him with the students years later.

One thing in particular stayed the same for my entire life: I LOVE books.  I had a great book collection by the time I graduated and I still own most of them. They were my most important possessions and I would still count my library among the things I might consider hauling out with me should the house catch on fire.  I'd probably die in a blaze while pitching classic novels out the window.  In grade school I literally walked around the halls with my nose in a book, allowing my peripheral vision and the elbows of others to direct me through the flow of traffic.  One year I lost one of my favorite library books (Shel Silverstein's "Where the Sidewalk Ends") and instead of paying to replace it I ended up "working" in the library after the school year ended to organize all of the books on the shelves and put them back into their proper dewy-decimal-ed places.  My "punishment" was the highlight of my summer vacation... I was in heaven.  If I had been brave enough I would have offered to come in at the end of every school year to help re-organize the books... but since this was supposed to be my punishment I figured I'd better not act too happy about it or they might find some different form of punishment for me.  I still have no idea what happened to that book.  I hope it didn't meet with some untimely demise. Books were my friends and the library was my second home.  It was quiet and talking was actually frowned upon!  Not to mention the abundance of new ideas, places, people and things that were inside the covers of books

Once, as a senior in high school, I found a book that some idiot had spit a huge wad of tobacco into and went into such a fit that I sat down to write a scathing piece titled "Literary Critic Comes to X-ville" to the anonymous criminal.  It ended up in the school newsletter and I still have a copy of it because it makes me laugh every time I see it.  If I can find it, I'll post it here.  It's hilariously obnoxious... INTJ Self Righteousness at it's best.  I felt better after I finished writing it.  Interestingly enough it was the only thing I ever felt strongly enough about to "speak out against".  Don't mess with the books or the wrath will find you.  Ahh... here it is:

I found hobbies and interests that weren't exactly sexy.  I was a Clogger.  I played the Trombone (not by choice).  I was an amazing color guard member in the marching band and ended up being recruited into the instructors indoor-guard group.  I wrote poetry... a LOT of poetry.  I studied handwriting analysis after a little machine at a carnival printed out an "amazingly accurate description" of me after I gave it my $5.00. I thought it was incredible that such things could be derived from handwriting alone.  

In ninth or tenth grade I signed up for the schools Peer Tutor program and would spend a couple afternoons a week in the elementary school working with K-4 graders.  I continued to work as a tutor until I graduated and found a huge sense of accomplishment helping young minds learn.  It was this work that led me to believe I would be a teacher when I graduated.

My junior year in highschool that tendency to be chosen for "special programs" actually changed the course of my life... and quite by accident.  We had a school assembly where some kids from our foreign exchange club (something I'd never paid any attention to) were talking to us about what they did and how great it was.  It sounded interesting but at the end, when they said that "anyone who wanted to learn more should stay behind after the assembly" I really only stayed because I didn't want to go back to Math class.  (Yep... still avoiding Math.)  Nine months later I was on a plane bound for Spain for a year long experience.  Oops.  The application and selection process moved so fast I barely had time to process what was happening.  Then I was fundraising and applying for a Visa.  Then came an orientation, then my first time flying on a plane... followed by culture shock and an accelerated course in learning more Spanish. Three years of highschool Spanish, no matter how good you are at it, does not prepare you for immersion in a Spanish speaking culture.  Not to mention the regional language that was spoken in the Valencia region.  I honed my potential career to possibly being a Spanish teacher or translator during this time.

Student Orientation in Spain

Classmates & Friends 

(Completely oblivious to the fact that flannel 

was not a thing in Spain... or maybe even at home.)

My Junior year I was also inducted into the National Honor Society.  It was a very proud moment for me to go through the induction ceremony and to receive my pin.

I have all sorts of odd paper clippings saved in albums, some of which included things like early references (a few years prior) to the Y2K issue and a "Leap Second" that took place in 1995-1996 at the end of the year.  Somehow I knew these things were important.  Apparently I do have a strong sentimental streak... but it isn't always for the things that are obvious.  

Its difficult to sum up my experience as a child except to say that sometimes I was "preparing" for something that I didn't even know I was working toward until it happened.  That seems to remain true, even today.  I worked hard and opportunities arose.  More often than not I found myself in a position to take advantage of them... which broadened my foundation even more.  I feel extremely lucky to have had so many experiences and for all the teachers, mentors and family members who encouraged me to work for goals, even when they seemed impossible.

A "Leadership Philosophy" of Little Seeds

"What is your leadership philosophy?"

That is the question that was posed to us by a member of the DOHR team at TGMI.  We were given all of about 3 minutes to think of a philosophy and write it down.  

Mine came out something like this:

"Plant seeds of excitement and success, nurturing them until the garden is an overgrowth of strength and unity; able to support the entire ecosystem."

It surprised me a little to see what emerged when I was under pressure to think of what it really means to me to be a leader.  After I thought about it though, I realized that it fits my vision very succinctly.  

I know that change doesn't happen overnight.  I understand the importance of continuously monitoring progress and keeping momentum.  In my mind I can see very clearly what that looks like in the end: a healthy, vibrant, engaged community of collaborators.  I realized that I love this philosophy.

"Planting seeds of success" could be anything:

- Giving your team the proper tools to do their job
- Encouraging an atmosphere of open communication
- Allowing your team to make mistakes and learn from them
- Taking the time to know your team well enough to use the proper incentives
- Following through on promises

Little successes build confidence and excitement in the team, which leads to more successes and more confidence... and more excitement.  I believe there is as much of an "upward spiral" as there is the proverbial "downward spiral".  

I also realized after thinking about my analogy that sometimes there are weeds in the garden that, when left to grow, can strangle the potential that exists. Those weeds may be processes that block progress or negativity left unchecked. Sometimes, despite all effort, there are "un-team members" who cannot or will not embrace change, no matter how it is presented to them.  Those weeds should be addressed sooner rather than later because there is only so much progress to be made under those conditions.

Isn't it odd how just a few minutes can become a defining moment?  While I knew these things in my heart and thought them frequently, simply being prompted to put it into one coherent sentence that sums it all up provided me with a much clearer, easier to express idea of what leadership should look like. Perhaps this philosophy will even experience change and grow itself over time, but for right now I can say that I'm proud of it and will keep it in my mind as a compass of sorts.  

TGMI! (TN Govt Management Institute)

A few weeks ago our IT director sent an email to myself and another colleague to let us know that she and our supervisors had nominated us for participation in a class called TGMI (Tennessee Government Management Institute).  In their own words:

"Begun in 2000, the Tennessee Government Management Institute (TGMI) is the catalyst by which Tennessee and its managers are transformed into the best this nation has to offer. The Leaders of the State, the Department of Human Resources, and the University of Tennessee have formed an alliance that provides Tennessee managers with an environment of academic freedom, and commitment to excellence, in which to grow beyond all of their actual and perceived boundaries."

Departments across the state can nominate and submit potential attendees to the central HR office where the final selection is made.  Only 36 applications are chosen from all submissions to participate.  

My colleague and I filled out our applications and a week or so later I received an email that I had been chosen as a class attendee!  Next Tuesday is our Orientation and then, in the first week of May, I will be headed to an off-site training for the first week.  (The second week will be in June)

Leading teams and finding innovative ways to bring about positive change will never get old for me.  There is a challenge in making that happen that appeals to me at a very deep level.  It seems to be the best forum for using my knowledge in group behavior and personality preferences in a practical and positive way.  It is fascinating and rewarding to help others come to work and actually enjoy themselves because they know they are appreciated and that their talents are being used to the fullest. When entire teams operate at that level, amazing change can take place.  

Being accepted into TGMI may provide an even broader understanding of great leadership principles, which is very exciting.  I am honored to become a part of such a terrific program and I hope that I can meet some like-minded people during my training!

MBTI vs HBDI - Making Sense of Nonsense

Recently I attended a great class hosted by The Learning Tree for "Critical Thinking and Creative Problem Solving".  It was one of the most interesting classes I've taken and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Part of my excitement in the class stemmed from my study of MBTI because one of the outcomes of the class was to receive a packet with our own personal HBDI results.  I'd only heard little bits about HBDI, the Herrmann Brain Dominance Indicator, and hadn't paid much attention to it in the past because there aren't really good tests available that aren't done by the HBDI owners, and those cost money.

Prior to the class, everyone had to take the test.  As I proceeded through the questions I could see some similarities to MBTI question types, but there were distinct differences.  This test forced you to choose priorities.  It isn't possible to choose everything with HBDI, so each person has to think carefully about what attributes most fit them.  

When I received my HBDI results in the class, I thought they were wrong. Interesting, but wrong.  

Without going into too much detail, these results indicate a personality that is triple dominant, which is found in about 34% of participants.  It reveals a strong preference for Creative/Intuitive as well as Analytical thinking.  Those two were closely followed by Interpersonal preferences and Organizational was the lowest.  How could this be?  Anyone who knows me says I'm one of the most organized and analytical people they know.  How could a brain that is supposedly hard-wired to lean toward "right-brain" tendencies display the opposite in day-to-day life?  How could both theories be so widely accepted... and so vastly different?  

HBDI goes to great lengths to repeat that preference is NOT equal to competence, but it still made very little sense to me.  Wouldn't a person who relied heavily on one part of the brain behave in a manner that fit that tendency?  The problem with mine was that they were so evenly distributed that it wasn't entirely clear where the real "winner" was.  I was also baffled by the fact that the "D" quadrant (Creative) scored the highest, if only by a couple of points.  There are many things that I consider myself to be... but creative wasn't usually at the top of the list.  While I have had many, many, MANY different hobbies through the years, I never considered myself very good at them and eventually I would learn what I needed to know about them to be satisfied and I would move on.  The few that stick felt more like "cerebral" or emotionally expressive activities to me, not creative activities.

As we proceeded through the class some things began to ring true about this type that was represented on a neat, colorful little graph.  I am highly intuitive when problem solving or learning and intuition is tied most closely to the D quadrant.  I bought my car because 1) I fell in love with the "space age" dashboard and 2) Because it received high ratings in all the important things.  In that order.  I bought my appliances because 1) The buttons and knobs had the right tactile feel to them 2) Because they had good reviews and great warranties.  In that order.  There are other examples, but it seems that when I make every day decisions there is a part of me that insists something be aesthetically pleasing first... and then functional and reliable.  If I can't justify my desire for something "nice" with the analytical "will this work" part, the purchase isn't made.  It has to be both in equal parts.

When I started looking into my work behavior, I saw it even more.  I have always had a tendency to want to think outside the box and find solutions that aren't obvious.  To me, the perfect solution to a problem is a thing of beauty.  It's elegant.  It's always my goal.  Oftentimes I just know the answer to something without really understanding how I figured it out because my intuition has put pieces together for me without conscious effort.  This is "Creativity" at work.  

By the time the class was over I tended to agree with my results but I was still bothered by the seeming lack of consistency between MBTI and HBDI.  The analyst mentality kicked in and I started writing.  Using the information in the packet that was provided I was able to determine (what others apparently already knew if I had just Googled it) that the four quadrants have a basic correlation to Sensing, Thinking, Feeling and Intuition which are the four basic "functions" of the MBTI world.  Introversion and Extroversion impact how those functions manifest themselves, and the order in which they are "preferred" also plays a huge role.  

Before I go any deeper into this rabbit hole, I would like to mention that I've always been annoyed by the way MBTI grouped personality types.  Using NT/NF/SJ/SP as their baseline always seemed vulgar to my patterned brain.  Why not NT/NF/ST/SF?  What possible difference could the J/P make when they aren't even tied to the base functions?  That question is a key, so hang onto it.

Once I figured out the four quadrants could correlate to MBTI base functions, I started mapping, but I grouped them by the N/S/T/F primarily to accommodate the HBDI.  

If we then place each MBTI type into the quadrant of "dominance", where primary Sensors were all in quadrant A, primary Thinkers were in quadrant B and so on, my issue with MBTI seemed to resolve itself.  No more with the J/P nonsense, this was beautiful!  Here was the initial outline:

But wait... the entire MBTI grouping system was now in jeopardy.  What on Earth could an INTJ, INFJ, ENTP and ENFP possibly all have in common... aside from their dominant intuition?  What indeed.  If I knew more about how actual nerves in the brain were wired I believe it would correspond to what is visible here but that's for another day's research.  Do you notice anything about the little arrows that are drawn next to each type?  I'll give you a hint: The line starts in the primary function quadrant and the arrow indicates the very last quadrant to be reached, at least in the way that the MBTI functions exist.  An INTJ's "thought preference pattern" looks something like this (moving D -> B -> C -> A)

Realistically this would look more like a figure 8 that starts in the D quadrant (there are 8 overall functions for each type but usually on the first 4 are used because the other four are easily plugged in thereafter.  A completed INTJ function list would be Ni, Te, Fi, Se, Ne, Ti, Fe, Si).  The thing is, not every type has this "figure 8" pattern.  Some run clockwise or counter clockwise and they can start in any quadrant.  Introversion/Extroversion doesn't come into play until you start applying the characteristics that belong to each type.  In other words: How does it manifest?

The only other type that has the same "thought preference pattern" as an INTJ is the ENTP, but on the surface these two types have very little in common as far as behavior are concerned.  Scratch just a little bit deeper though and there are some similarities in how they can generate possibilities and grasp big-picture ideas.  Both also have a bit of an obnoxiousness to them in stereotypical descriptions.

What does all of this mean?  Right now, I am hesitant to jump to conclusions but these are my thoughts as I continue to review:

1. The "Thought preference pattern" for every single "type" both starts and ends in either the Neocortex (quadrants A/D) or the Limbic system (quadrants B/C).  It can't be a coincidence that no "patterns" were left/right aligned.  This may be tied directly to how the brain is hard-wired.  
2. Order matters, a LOT, when reviewing functions... but HBDI doesn't seem well equipped to handle this fact.
3. Dominance matters, a LOT, but MBTI doesn't seem well equipped to handle this fact.  (I have not yet determined how reliable the HBDI "dominance" factor lines up with MBTI primary functions, except to note that my own dominant quadrant (D) does in fact line up with my primary MBTI function of Intuition)
4. Competence seems to be a product of environment, will power and practice... variables that are difficult to measure in a "test" environment.  Is this "wild card" factor measurable in some way? What does it do to HBDI/MBTI measurements over time?
5. I want to explore the difference in personality manifestations that compare types that are 'cross functional' against those that run clockwise or counterclockwise.  
6. Enneagram works at a very subconscious level.  Could there be a correlation in these patterns to enneagram types?
7. I really do think the key is in the J/P dichotomy... but where is it found?  It seems to be completely ignored in HBDI.  Could this area be a manifestation of the "third brain" or "Reptilian" brain that equates to "fight" or "flight"?  In a loose sense, maybe "fight" is the J preference and "flight" is the P preference.  Maybe...

Influencing Group Behavior - Part 2

"Guardians"... a formidable name for a formidable group.  Associated with the "SJ" personality types, these four identities make up almost half of our population.

In the past I've identified them by small things like:

- Who remembers everyone's birthday?
- Who has a reliable schedule that doesn't often change?
- Who volunteers first?
- Who seems to effortlessly know and meet social expectations?

These people truly are Pillars of Community.  They know the rules, know what is expected and work hard at keeping us all on the straight and narrow.  

They are perhaps also the type that I least understand from a motivational standpoint, and SFJ's in particular.  The priorities they align themselves with seem illogical to me at times, and for the life of me I can't understand the resistance to change.  This type often has a blind trust in authority and in established rules that makes me uneasy.  If the INTJ mantra is "Does it work" then the SJ community is the wall that we push up against constantly... the wall that says "It doesn't matter, this is how it's done."

That mentality can be endlessly frustrating but I recognize the value that it adds to a society in general.  If not for the Guardians, certainly many existing Holidays would no longer be recognizable.  Military divisions would not function properly.  All of the important "maintenance" type duties in the world would be lost and forgotten as the Artists, Idealists and Rationals ran in every direction with no anchor to bring them back.

I feel it's important for me to learn yet more (always more) about the SJ types because I find myself surrounded by them where I work and they are the majority in most societies.  My previous employment at a software development company was primarily dominated by NT's (Rationals).  The words I would have used to describe most interactions among a bunch of NT's are probably intellect and mischief.  Now that I find myself among many, many SJ types I think the words would change to something more like duty or consistency.

This in no way means that SJ's aren't smart or mischievous, or that NT's aren't responsible or consistent, but the GROUP expectations were very different.  The NT's expected others to be on their toes at all times, ready for any clever trick that might be played on someone, or to prove themselves and their arguments when they wanted to change something.  We were individuals working on things that interested us and could often bring progress by merging different goals into one.  The SJ's seem to expect that there are no individuals.  They work as if they are one machine: I'll do my part, and if you do yours then everything will be fine.  I find that when it comes to things that impact everyone they have very little sense of humor.  Individually they are hilarious, creative, interesting and caring... but when it comes to their environment they are very firm in what is acceptable and what isn't.

In my previous post on "Influencing Group Behavior" I described my Coffee Pot experiment.  Yesterday (the day after I posted it) the experiment provided some amazing feedback that I did not expect.  

Early yesterday I let one of my coworkers in on the experiment... one that I knew would appreciate the effort.  I was warned by this person that my experiment would fail but I remained hopeful.  By lunchtime that day, the container that I had placed under the coffee pot to catch the drops of water had completely disappeared from the kitchen.  I busted out laughing, knowing that someone had either thrown it away or hidden it.  At first I thought my co-conspirator might be playing a joke on me but found out through the grapevine that apparently the office administrator had received numerous emails complaining about the container, wanting to know who had decided on making this change.  

Incredulous, I laughed even harder.  Was something so tiny as the placement of a container up for group discussion and approval?  If this experiment had been done at my previous job, surely someone would have either:

a.) Glued the container to the counter
b.) Turned the container upside down and stuck a sarcastic sign on it
c.) Filled the container with coffee and placed the old coffee pot out of the way to be a smart ass

Now I had to rethink my approach.  I had anticipated that some might be confused or slightly annoyed about why this container sat where the wet paper towels had once been... but I didn't expect the influx of actual, formal complaints and complete removal of the container from the kitchen.  It felt a bit extreme.  

I had a discussion with another coworker about whether or not they had noticed the container.  They said yes, and that they were confused about why it had been there.  They thought it was gross.  (It's an old container but it doesn't touch anything, just sits well under where the water drips)  I explained my experiment and then asked what would have made them recognize what it was for.  Is the coffee stained container too old and funky looking that it distracts from why it's there?  Do I need a different container?  Perhaps.  The person also said that since it appeared empty there didn't seem to be a reason for it at all.  I asked if placing a small bit of water in the bottom of the container would have helped to make the association and they agreed that it would.

I resolved to wait a few days and then try a nice, clean container with a little bit of water in it.

By the end of the day... the old coffee stained pitcher was back again under the coffee pot and I lost my composure yet again.  It seems my co-conspirator had located the pitcher and replaced it for me, which will probably aggravate the office administrator.  I don't think I would have been bold enough to find it and put it back.  I was planning out new tactics to gently lead my friends into an era of change.  

I realize now that the only way this will ever work without becoming an all out problem (complete with emails sent out to the entire department to "please not place other things under the coffee pot filter") is to just appeal directly to the coffee drinkers about my desire to "save the rainforest one paper towel at a time", as my conspirator joked.  The only path to even a small chance of success is to appeal directly to their desire to Reduce, Reuse, Recycle (which I see a LOT of).

While the overall goal of stopping the practice of wadding up paper towels isn't terribly important... I learned a valuable lesson here.  Subtle (unapproved) change will not work.  They must be given ample time to become aware of and consider the problem, decide on how they feel about it and then to determine whether or not they wish to take action.  It's a tediously slow process in my opinion, but this is exactly what makes this group terrific.  They are always considering whether the change is truly needed and truly for the best.  This is why our societies remain in-tact and traditions stay alive.  These people make the world go 'round.

Just make sure that you tell them up front what your intentions are and don't make any rash decisions or they will lash out...

Influencing Group Behavior

Group behavior fascinates me.  Social expectations and actions can be so easily influenced that I find it surprising and disturbing.  There are masters of manipulation in areas of business, marketing and politics who understand the power of words delivered repeatedly and consistently.  Modeling behavior that you desire others to mimic can be a powerful tool in building productive work environments.  Tapping into subconscious motivations allows retailers to sell more goods as they experiment endlessly on consumers to find the best combination of ambient lighting, sounds and smells to trigger our desire to spend more money.  Whether or not we like it, these tactics are being employed all around us.  We are bombarded with it and most of us aren't even aware.  

It is not a coincidence that the first thing you may see when you enter a food retailer is flowers.  Flowers indicate to our subconscious a sense of "freshness" and may trigger feelings of happiness in us.  Everything from the width of the isles to the height of the ceiling is deliberately done to make people want to spend more time in the store.  My husband and I tried an experiment once after reading some articles about placement of items in grocery stores.  The articles asserted that most people turn RIGHT upon entering a grocery store.  I realized that I did indeed do this and so we decided to turn left in the store we shopped at from now on.  Our grocery bill dropped without conscious effort on our part.  You could say that since we expected that outcome, perhaps we just shopped more wisely and consciously... but I swear I felt like I was buying all of the same exact things and our total at the end was less.  Try it yourself sometime.  Look at where the fruits and vegetables are when you walk into a store... and then head in the opposite direction, making that your final area to shop.

I try to remain vigilant, recognizing when I hear the media pick up on a catch phrase in order to sway public opinion.  Where do they originate?  It hardly matters.  What matters is repetition.  If people hear things enough, they start to consider them basic truths.  If a certain behavior is seen and picked up by others, soon those others could become a majority and by simple peer pressure, a large percentage of the rest begin to mimic that behavior.  Ideas of politeness, political correctness, morality and even "common decency" or "common sense" come in to play.  

Call me crazy, but I like to play with these tendencies from time to time.  I try to use my experiments for good and everyone should know that while they may be my unwitting test subjects for a week or two, it is done out of mirth and a sincere interest in understanding, not out of malice.  I promise that if you have ever been or ever become one of my observations, I still see you as a person and I probably like you too, or you wouldn't be so interesting!

My latest experiment is at work and involves the coffee pot.  One day I noticed someone complaining about the wad of paper towels underneath the area where the coffee filter is, meant to catch any droplets after the coffee pot is removed.  They mentioned that no one ever thought of simply removing the used coffee grounds from the filter... instead they put down paper towels, and they showed me the used coffee grounds inside the filter holder.

I wondered if this were true and watched for a few weeks.  I started emptying the used coffee grounds to see if it stopped the water drops, but really there was still a lot of humidity in the filter holder so it continued to drip water.

I decided to try to get people to unknowingly fix the problem with a solution I would provide.

There is an old, plastic pitcher that sits near the back of the coffee pot on the side.  I think it used to be to hold old coffee grounds for someone who did composting.  At any rate, I decided this container could be my solution.  I started first by emptying out coffee grounds with the container under the filter holder as I moved to the trash in order to keep it from dripping on the floor.  I had a couple of "Hey! That's a good idea!" responses.  Others noticed but said nothing.

The next stage is the removal of the paper towel ritual.  Some are very attached to this process so headway will be slow here.  I'm surrounded by a LOT of SJ personalities... Guardians of tradition.  Typically this type is slow to endorse change unless they see a good reason for it.

I've started placing the plastic pitcher under the filter holder once the grounds are dumped into the trash and leaving it there to catch the errant drops of water.  This will probably annoy some people at first, since now they have to move this object that is so blatantly in the way (... in the same fashion that they had to remove the wet paper towels) before they start a pot of coffee.  I will persist.  I look forward to the day when I walk into the kitchen and find the plastic pitcher under the filter holder without my having done it.  I won't know who my new convert is... but it won't matter.  The cycle will have begun.  Soon others will begin to see this behavior and I'm convinced that it will catch on.

Soon, not placing the plastic pitcher on the counter under the filter holder will be taboo... like not wiping off the bathroom sink counter after you wash your hands.  How can people be so inconsiderate??  ;)