Use Your Strengths

One of the most view-shifting things I encountered at TGMI last year is still rattling around in my brain:  “Use Your Strengths”. 

We watched a series of videos titled Trombone Player Wanted by Marcus Buckingham.  The videos reveal a story of a young boy who plays the trombone in a school band, but desperately wants to be a drummer instead.  You feel from the reactions of the teacher that he is stuck with this instrument because the band needs him on trombone.  Eventually, the boy decides to help find a NEW trombone player for the band so that he can move to the drums. 

If you have read any of my other posts you know that I was actually an unwilling trombone player in school as well, so perhaps the story resonated a bit stronger with me... but there was also something else that turned my prior notions on their head. 

I began studying MBTI in my early twenties.  When I first discovered my “INTJ-ness” it was like a bolt of lightning had struck.  Until then, I had always felt as if there was something wrong with me.  I wasn’t normal.  Unfortunately that early-life mentality caused me to see MBTI as a way for me to fix my flaws, rather than to use my natural strengths.  I spent the next 15 years trying to improve my perceived weaknesses. 

·        Hard to make small talk? – Keep putting yourself into social situations with strangers

·        Come across as arrogant? – Use smaller words, don’t strike up conversations about ‘nerd’ topics

·        Seen as intense/intimidating? – Use inclusive words, ask the opinions of others and let them know they’re heard

·        Not “feminine” enough? – Paint your nails, use makeup… try to wear matching clothes

·        Accidentally hurt others feelings? – Don’t say anything unless you’re sure it won’t be offensive

·        Seen as cold or uncaring? – Don’t give others advice, no matter how much you want to, just give support

These and a million other things have been thought and done over the years in an attempt to fix the things that were “wrong” with me.  To some degree I learned to conform to expectations… but I always felt as if I were on the verge of screwing it up; that with one wrong word or gesture I would reveal my true self and the charade would crumble.  Those around me would yell out in triumph “I KNEW you weren’t one of us!”  I was an alien trying to blend in with my surroundings in order to avoid detection.   The more time that passed, the better I got at it until some of it started to feel natural.  Still, I couldn’t ignore the sense of discontent and self-sacrifice that was feeling more and more like resentment.  Why couldn’t I just be ME and others would appreciate it?

Trombone Player Wanted turned this image of myself and my world absolutely upside down.  In the videos, Marcus Buckingham makes a strong case for building up our strengths instead of trying to improve upon our weaknesses, which is contrary to everything we’re told.  His opinion is that we will grow in leaps and bounds when we focus our energy and attention on our strengths and the things that naturally give us that high of excitement and accomplishment, and that if we put the same amount of energy into our weaknesses, we will only improve marginally.  At one point he quips that we could go from being absolutely terrible at something, to being just really bad if we focus on our weaknesses. 

It was at that point that I started looking back at all of the self-improvement I’d undertaken.  How much had I really gained in those areas where I perceived weaknesses?  Was I a stellar conversationalist now?  Was I never seen as arrogant, intense, intimidating, cold or nerdy?  I realized that for all my effort, all of those things were probably still there to some extent, no matter how hard I tried to eradicate them.  Since then, I’ve been on a quest to carefully find and articulate my areas of strength.  Here is what I have found.

My strengths:

·        I examine complex scenarios, systems, ideas or problems and identify all of the various parts.  I can quickly organize those parts into categories as the need arises, such as Do Now vs Do Later, Idea vs Task, Energy Cost vs Financial Cost, Applicable vs Non-Applicable.  These categories arise naturally, and I can articulate and define them very quickly when needed by others.

·        I can see risks, obstacles and roadblocks before they occur.  This was something I struggled with in my early career because I thought that EVERYONE could see these things… that they were obvious.  I have found over the years that this is not the case.  My ability to know how things will turn out allows me to change direction to a more successful path without missing a beat.

·        I see the plan.  I have the plan.  I am the plan.  Planning is a hallmark INTJ trait; one that I have an abundance of skill with… and I almost can’t help myself.  From the moment I am presented with an idea, my brain is “planning” it out: Steps, Order, Priority, Difficulty, Risks, Needs, Resources, Possible Outcomes… I swear it’s almost an illness.

·        I am a talented communicator.  My ability to read and write effectively allows me to document accurately, express concerns concisely and bring the often intangible thought processes I experience to light for others to see and understand.

·        I see the big picture.  This one brings a wry smile to my face because everyone likes to say that they see the big picture.  It’s one of those resume-like phrases that make me gag.  However, I think I could prove my claim on this one.  My mind clearly see’s the gaps in information that I’m working with in a way that would astound people.  I know with absolute certainty when I don’t have enough information about something to make a decision because unanswered questions exist.  Until I can paint the entire picture in my mind and see the whole process, it isn’t complete.  If something is in conflict with another piece of information, then something is wrong and I won’t rest until I find it.

·        I organize like nobody’s business.  I can organize anything, and it will be much better than it was when I started.  Period.

·        I am a great mediator.  This probably comes from traits learned in childhood, but I have a natural talent for finding ways to help others resolve disagreement.  I can objectively see all sides of an argument and work toward a common goal.  My objectivity and communication skills provide others with a platform on which to stand… a neutral ground from which to work.

·        I solve problems.  This may seem vague, but it is meant as such.  My brain LOVES to solve problems.  People problems.  Resource problems.  Funding problems.  Software problems.  Even the stupidest things get me excited.  When something breaks around the house, I’m like a modern day Macgyver.  I keep a lot of weird objects because I can see a use for them “someday”.  (My organizational skills kick in from there and I get to spend time placing my little objects into their proper containers.  It’s a win-win.)

·        My moral compass doesn’t fluctuate.  Even with all of the ambiguity in the world, I have a very strong sense of what I think is right and what is wrong.  I know that the right thing isn’t usually the easy thing, and I strongly believe that there is a difference between KNOWING what is right, and DOING what is right.  If you can’t do the right thing, even when it’s extremely hard, then it doesn’t matter if you know the difference.  Your actions will always speak louder than your words.  I don’t admire hypocrites. 

It is important to note that in the videos, a strength isn't something you're necessarily good at, but something that you instinctively lose yourself in because you're so excited about it and engaged with it.  Everything in this list, except the last one, fits that category for me as they are all things I become passionately engaged in.  I may be good at them (I feel that I am) but there is a lot of room for growth in these areas as I focus my attention on them.  The last one is a strength in the more conventional manner.

These are the ones I have identified thus far, and it feels a lot nicer to focus on the things that I am naturally inclined to do anyway than to worry about parts of my personality that I may never be able to change.  I am certain that the progress I’ve made on “building up my weaknesses” won’t ever be lost… but I’d really like to see what happens in the future as I turn my focus more toward being the rock star I know I was meant to be.  (Was that too arrogant?)

Below is a link to the first video in the series (the second one is also available, but after that you need to buy the videos to watch them all.  I bought them a few months after I saw them because they were so inspiring for me.)

Youtube Video: Trombone Player Wanted - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfQdiVpcnGI

If you care to purchase the DVD's, they can be found on Amazon. I highly suggest watching them.