"I am studying physics."
Those two sentences don't usually end up together, and yet
here we are.
If you have read other posts here, you've heard about the
quandary I have had with math for nearly my entire life. The only things I
remember of early math (say in Kindergarten or First Grade) were the fun math
carts that came around once a week that had math games on them. There was some
other type of class where we did "physical" problem solving...
puzzles with rubber bands, geometric shapes, pegs and other items. Over the
next few years I remember liking those, so perhaps I did well. I don't actually
remember learning any math outside of those days... but I'm sure we must have.
In other words, if I couldn't tie it to something tangible, I tuned out. It
also didn't help that my parents were in the midst of an ugly divorce by the
time I was 7, which made it very difficult to focus on school for many years.
Fourth grade was where the rubber met the road, and I
started to derail in a big way. It was the first year where we had any real
homework, and I doubt I ever even took a math book or worksheet home with me.
Instead, I would usually remember about 15 minutes before math class that there
was homework to do and start frantically trying to answer questions or copy
work from a classmate who was willing to help me out. Sometimes I got it done,
and many times I didn't. Weak multiplication skills made calculations difficult
in a day and age when calculators didn't exist for most students. I spent most of that year in the principal’s
office for not having my homework complete, or in the nurses office avoiding
class because I was literally sick to my stomach with nerves about not having
my homework completed. Mrs. Lang was a yeller, and a humiliator. Instead of
reaching out to find out what was going on, she insisted on making my life
hell. I think there may actually be some emotional scarring left from her abuse
to this day. What a bitch.
I don't even remember fifth grade math, or the math teacher,
however I think it was more of the same. I do, however, remember sixth grade. I
remember Mr. Smith standing at the front of the class and telling us that if we
didn't do our homework there would be no yelling and punishment... we simply
wouldn't get a checkmark next to that assignment in the grade book. I wondered
at this bizarre new format, but was hugely relieved. Miraculously, I started to
like math and actually did most of my homework. I still remember some of the
things I learned in his class. By removing the stress of being yelled at
constantly, he opened up a new door for me and I enjoyed learning math, maybe
for the first time ever. Unfortunately he was the exception because most of the
rest of my math days went like the early days. My early lack of foundational
knowledge spread like a disease and each subsequent year was harder than the
last.
There was one area that stood out from the rest like a
shining beacon, an area that I jumped wholeheartedly into and aced every single
problem and assignment - Logic. Logic problems were amazing. Think "If P then Q, if Negate P then
Negate Q..." Holy Saints, I was so happy to get up to the board and run
through the proofs that my math teacher was astonished. So was I, to be honest.
I struggled through algebra, geometry and trig so I could
graduate from high school, typically bringing in a C at best. Saying that I
squeaked by is an understatement. To me, math seemed like a convoluted system
of "learn the steps", but each new area brought new steps and I was
never able to relate one section to another. My only salvation was recognizing
the patterns in solving different types of problems and learning the
"steps" required to get to the end of it. I had to meticulously check
my work, write slowly in pencil and not perform any steps simultaneously or the
outcome was usually disastrous.
In my first year of college I thought I was going to be a
teacher, and so I was required to take a math course on how to teach math to
grade school children. Talk about a lightbulb! Click, Click, Click... things
started falling into place and I learned many of the things that I was SUPPOSED
to have learned in K-4. It was amazing. After that I didn't take a math class
for a long time so when I had to take Algebra again I failed it the first time
around. Knowing the basics doesn't prepare you for college Algebra, and I was
rusty on knowing "the steps". Finally, I made it through the required
college math and had all the time in the world to focus on every subject except
math. History, Spanish, French, English, Literature, Philosophy, blah, blah,
blah. Every class I took from there out was a B.S. class (and by that I mean
bullshit, not Bachelor of Science). In these classes I honed my ability to
change the viewpoint to change the answer and became a Master Bullshitter.
Fitting, since that seemed to be my major. I learned that if you could support
your argument with 'facts' from things you were reading, almost any answer was
acceptable. I had been advised that since I wanted to be a Spanish teacher in
particular, it would be better to major in Foreign Language and get the
teaching certification at the end, so that was my path.
Fear of math kept me from branching into I.T. for a very
long time, but finally I made the switch. I disliked the path I was on but
probably would have seen it through to the end if I hadn't moved, however after
my move the only option for me seemed to be online courses, and Foreign
Languages wasn't a major. There was a lot less math involved than I had feared,
and much more logic so I was right at home in the I.T. world, which led me to
my career.
Someday I'll write a post about what happened with Kaplan
University (the fraudulent b... *muttering curse words*) but for now, suffice
it to say that I was one semester away from graduation when things went awry
and I had to stop attending school.
That was about 10 years ago.
Over the last 10 years, I started to think differently about
math, and came to regret how it had all turned out. For a long time I had joked
about my hate-hate relationship with math, but eventually I began to feel
foolish about it. Why should I hate math? What was really so hard about it
other than the fact that I didn't have the proper foundation? If I was as smart
as I liked to think I was, why should math be the demon in my closet? The more
my mentality changed about math, the more connections I made. I started piecing
things together that suddenly just seemed to make sense and my fear slowly
turned to interest. Perhaps I could fix this.
When I made the decision to go back to school, to fight
Kaplan for it with a lawyer if need be, I was nervous. What would I study? Finish
my I.T. degree? Somehow I couldn't imagine doing I.T. work all day and then
doing it again every night. Ugh. Should
I finish my Foreign Language degree? Maybe, but I really had no interest in it
anymore. I don't want to be a teacher. Modern testing and political policies
have made teaching a nightmare. What then? Was there anything that I really
wanted to study that actually interested me? As I scanned the list of majors,
one kept jumping out at me: Physics. Just the sound of that word makes my pulse
race just a little faster. People like Brian Greene had sparked my curiosity
over the years and I knew I was getting "the dumbed down version"...
so what was really behind all those concepts? WHY did we come to these
conclusions? What led us there? What might be discovered next? What if I could
help...? These questions nagged at me for weeks while I considered the
ramifications of essentially starting my degree all over again. I had a lot of
credits, but only one class at Kaplan counted after it was all transferred.
*More curse words* Thanks to Kaplan I also still had student loan debt. I knew
that studying Physics could take me a LONG time to complete, and probably a lot
of money out of pocket. In the end I decided that was where my heart was at and
when I selected Physics from the list of majors, the swell in my heart told me
it was the right decision. Yes, it would take a lot of work to brush up on my
math skills. I was willing to do that. Yes, it would probably take me forever,
but I was OK with that too. I wanted to UNDERSTAND in a burning way I've never
had before.
Before my first semester back began, I found a series of
videos on Youtube under the name "YayMath!" The more videos I
watched, the more I wished I had had a math teacher like this. His teaching
style removed the fear and actually made me enjoy reviewing middle and high school
math topics. It was exactly what I needed to get over the fear and start to
make up for lost time. I started trying to think about Math as just another
language that I needed to learn, like Spanish, French, or SQL and it helped to
ease the transition from past positive learning to math's positive outlook.
Math is the Universal Language, and I intend to use it to understand the
Universe itself.
All I can say now after my first couple of semesters back in
college is that Calculus should have been taught in middle school. This one
class brought everything else together in a way I never would have expected,
and I loved it. I LOVED it! How weird is that? I feel cheated, like I should
have known this way of "mathing" existed years and years ago. I'm
sure my new openness to learning has something to do with my success, but I'm
not sure it explains the Click, Click, Click that occurred in almost every Calculus
class I attended. Suddenly Trig made sense, along with a million other things.
Algebra had a purpose. Sometimes Algebra could be avoided completely. (Oh,
Happy Day?).
To all of the students out there who struggle with Math, I
might offer this advice: Negative thinking begets negative results, especially
when it comes to learning. Try changing your attitude about Math. I know that I
am responsible in a big way for the trouble I had in Math because I convinced
myself at a young age that I didn't like math, and that I wasn't good at it.
Granted, some rotten teachers might have played a part in that, but I should
have figured it out as I got a little older. If you are one of those kids who
just doesn't "get" math, hang in there. If you are in middle school
or high school, I would actually recommend checking out the YayMath! videos on
Youtube. Don't give up. You can tame the Math Monster and use it to your
advantage.
Rawr!
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