...I just know there's a joke in there somewhere.
Last week I took a "vacation". I know I'm not the only one who comes back from their "vacation" feeling more tired than when they left, but this particular vacation was not one I'll be repeating any time soon.
Unless you're a Scout leader, chances are you haven't ever taken a half dozen kids (and a dog) camping. Even if you have, you probably didn't drive for 14+ hours to reach your destination before hand. If you can claim Yes and Yes to both of those statements then by all means, read no further. We are already bonded... kindred spirits in the shared experiences of this life, and even though I'm not really "a hugger", I'd probably give you one.
Don't misunderstand me... the kids were very well behaved. The dog surpassed even my wildest expectations of good behavior. The problem wasn't with them at all - it was with me.
I started with an upbeat attitude weeks before we left, making my lists and checking them twice - like Christmas in July! That was fun.
Then came the packing. That was also kind of fun since I could use my checklists and cross things off as I went. Very satisfying stuff there.
On then, to the driving. I dislike driving. Since we had two vehicles with us, both my husband and I had to drive the entire distance, and without each other's company. (That isn't entirely true. We actually took walkie-talkie's with us and used them shamelessly for small talk, jokes, I love you's and navigation.) We did stop half way to camp so we could rest overnight but that turned out about as well as one would expect:
"Let's stop, unpack the vehicles, set up the tent, unroll all of the sleeping bags, blow up air mattresses and try to sleep with 8 people and a dog in one small space before waking up, tearing everything down, re-packing the vehicles and taking off again." I don't think anyone slept that night.
The next day we finished our journey by going to a grocery store near the camp ground and buying food for the 8 of us for 3 days. You wouldn't believe how much food that is for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Vehicles that were already overloaded with stuff somehow found room for a shopping cart full of food before finishing the trek to the campsite. My husband is a packing genius.
Finally! It's time to relax! Hahahahahahahaha! Yeah right.
Unload the vehicles, set up the tents, start the fire, blow up air mattresses (... we have no electricity? bah), cook dinner, clean up, BS with family until 3:30 AM. Wait, what? It's 3:30?? Oh jeez, we need to go to sleep!
[Lay down... wake up at 6am, unable to sleep any longer and go build up the fire for breakfast]
By this time, I'm going on two nights of almost zero sleep in addition to driving a very long distance but somehow I manage to rally and stay awake all day, even if I'm not very motivated. My sister's fiance slow grilled the chicken for about 6 hours that day while my over-tired brain started running rampant.
There were signs in the restroom/shower area that warned about leaving food in anything but vehicles because bears are very common in the state park. In my sleep-deprived state of mind, I started to see disaster everywhere.
Don't spill the bacon grease onto the ground! Are you crazy?
This chicken smell is going to bring them in for sure.
STOP EATING THE LEFTOVER CHICKEN! GO WASH YOUR HANDS! Why don't we just smear the children with chicken to make sure the bears find them? Rub it on the tents why don't we?
All in all I hope I managed to keep most of those thoughts to myself but I'm sure some slipped out. I think my sisters thought I was nuts by the end of the day. I cleaned up food related items like a boss for most of the afternoon and evening. No time to visit. Must clean. Bears will come. Bears.
I tried to go to sleep "early" at around 9:00 PM. There were probably 4-5 instances of jolting awake in an adrenaline induced panic throughout the night.
What is that sound? Oh... it's raccoons.
What is that sound? Oh... it isn't growling, it's someone snoring. I wish I was snoring.
What is that sound? Oh... wait, I don't hear anything at all...
It was a terrible night and when we finally woke up in the morning, it was raining and I was nearing hysteria from lack of sleep. We ended up taking down our tent that morning and went to reserve a hotel to stay in for the last night before we were to drive back home.
Writing all of this after being home for a few days and getting some sleep makes me laugh, but at the time my poor mind was in survival mode. I regret that there was little to no actual "vacation" involved and that I didn't spend nearly as much time with my family as I wanted to. A rare opportunity to get everyone together was almost lost in the fog of my sleepy memories. Really not happy about that and a different sort of vacation will be in order soon to make up for it.
I completely underestimated how little I would be able to sleep with so many kids to be responsible for. When we are all in one tent, everyone kept everyone awake. When the kids had their own tent, I worried about whether or not they were OK. It was a lose-lose situation.
Next time we vacation, there will be beds, and blankets. There will be a stove that works even when it's raining. There will be rest. I am not new to camping, but this was a whole new level. Never again.
If anyone is interested in buying some camping gear, I know where you can get some stuff at a great price! I'd be willing to trade for say... an RV?
LOL
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