She's also an ENFP. A TEENAGE ENFP. There is a terrific post about ENFP children here and it rings so true for her.
What it probably doesn't say is that ENFP and INTJ relationships are one of the most laughed about and talked about relationships in MBTI. Where the INTJ is cast as all serious and prickly, the ENFP is the enthusiastic, heart warming, people loving polar opposite.
Lucky for her, I'm her Mom and I couldn't run away screaming like a normal INTJ response would presume (lol).
Imagine my relief when I was finally able to "figure her out" and we discovered her ENFP-ness. I think she felt the same kind of relief to understand me, at long last. Now it has become a source of entertainment for her (and for me) to point out those differences. It gave us some common ground on which to work and probably saved us from driving each other insane as she has morphed into teenage ENFP.
I discovered a great tactic a while ago to deal with her emotional teenage outbursts. I talk to her, hug her, give sage advise... and when none of that works I let loose with an incredibly uncharacteristic emotional outburst of my own, complete with arm waving, tears and a voice that raises about two octaves. At that point she's usually so flabbergasted to see me in such a state that she calms down. Someday she might realize that it's just a little premeditated *cackle* Survival of the fittest, sweety! I feel totally justified in this since she uses her people-intuition to push my buttons at every opportunity.
Earlier today, in fact, as I was typing my previous blog post she came up and wrapped her arms around me and said "You're in Thinking mode." I replied "Yep" and kept typing. She then laughed, squeeeeezed harder and started chanting and yelling "FEEL! I WANT YOU TO FEEL! DO IT!" I began laughing and told her that I was beginning to FEEL something and she was about to be it's recipient.
She laughed, giggled and squeeeezed some more with glee "IT'S COMING! I CAN TELL!" I gave a fake growl, snuggled back with her... and then told her to never marry an INTJ. She skipped away, proud of herself for getting me to break concentration and respond to her irrational quest.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm not the most ill-prepared woman in the world to help this child grow into an adult. She's a complete enigma to me and yet I love her unconditionally and fiercely. The most entertaining person I know is this confusing little creature I call daughter. I have no idea how I made something like that. I'm so incredibly glad that I did.
Thank you for writing this! I am 30 year old ENFP daughter with an INTJ mother.
ReplyDeleteI also married an INTJ in my 20s (and later divorced him, but we're still friends)
My best friend is an INTJ
And my boyfriend is an INTJ.
...that is plenty of fodder for my therapist right there. Ha.Ha.
So, as hard as it can be for me to take my emotions down a few notches and by sympathetic and understanding to my INTJs needs, learning the myers briggs has helped me maintain relationships with all these wonderful weird INTJ people I care about.
As a teenager I had an incredibly hard time getting a handle on my eomtions, but the perks of being an ENFP get better with age. And you learn how to pause and think before you act or speak out of emotion and impulse. My INTJ mom taught me very important organization and planning skills that do not come naturally to me, she really helped be become a more well-rounded person. Your daughter is lucky to have you as a mom!
I am a 28yo INTJ mother to what I believe my 5yo ENFP daughter. Definitely EFP.
ReplyDeleteShe drains me, oh her happy enthusiasm bouncing of the wall behaviour drains me to the point I lock my self in my room.
Lucky for her she now understands dont disturb mum, happily go's off and plays for an hour till i have recharged a bit. Then in all good until bed time.
I try very hard to stop my self responding with cold intj and try my hardest to feel for her sake.
I tell her i love her all the time, i make time to sit with her and cuddle on the couch while we watch some boring ass kids show. She talks my ear off during it, i tell her to be quiet 8000 times and it pains me to sit there but i know its for us.
I have a very close friend who is an ENFP which is good as she is terribly emotional, not well rounded gets used by Narcissistic a lot and has little control over her emotions. So i know exactly what to not let her become is the best possible way.
My other best friend is also a female INTJ wtih an extroverted son, so we bounce of each other a bit.
Its hard to know how to parent and extrovert, how to teach them about calming down, think before acting, stop being so airy fairy.
Thank you so much for this blog. Its good to know as a younger mother what i am going to deal with.
Xxx
I'm also an intj mom of an enfp daughter. She's 19. We have always gotten along wonderfully. (Phew!) She's my only girl (out of 7). :-D
ReplyDeleteI just found this three year old post. I’m a 48 year old INTJ mom of a teenage ENFP daughter and you pretty much nailed it. I think she’s an extraordinary mystifying creature.
ReplyDeleteMy husband, oldest daughter and I are all INTJ. My youngest daughter is an ENFP. She is the source of so much joy in our family.
ReplyDelete