Getting To Know An INTJ

I have come to realize, over the past few years, that it must be incredibly hard to get to know me.  When I am at work, I am focused on work.  It hardly ever occurs to me that I should share something about my personal life with others. When I do, I find that it's things about OTHER aspects of my life... the kids, my husband, the house, the car, the dog... whatever.  It doesn't usually have anything to actually do with ME at all.  

I'm not sure if this stems from the belief that others just won't be interested, or if perhaps I think they might judge me in some way... but nonetheless it is true. 

This became very obvious when I went to the TGMI training class last year.  We were tasked with creating something (poster or other doo-dad) to share with the group about who you are.  The assignment gave me nightmares.  How the hell was I going to stand up in front of a room of 30+ strangers and provide a nice, neat little summary of "Who I Am"?  UGH!!!...  UGH, UGH, UGH!!!!

I spent countless hours in worried panic, trying to figure out what to do.  Finally, I decided my very reluctance was my salvation.  THAT was who I was... Private. 

It occurred to me as I was thinking about the project that I have worked with people for YEARS and even have long-time friends that don't know some of the most basic things about what I'm interested in or what I've done in my life.  For some reason, I just don't talk about it.  Those things seem like something I do with my time when I'm not spending it with people.  So very compartmentalized...

This was my final project about me:

Inside of the jar there is sand, and a whole bunch of little objects that you can't find unless you really dig.  It takes a lot of patience and some luck to actually see all of the things in the jar... and there were a LOT of them.  I'm still not sure I've seen them all since the day they went into it.  This little jar is who I am in a sense. On the outside it probably seems pretty boring... like "What's the point?" but once you start turning it around and messing with it, all kinds of little peculiarities become visible.  That is me in a nutshell.  It literally probably takes a concerted effort for others to pull those things out of me.  My husband did it, somehow.  I did take a picture of what is inside of it before I dumped it all together, but what would be the fun in posting that? After all, you're just The Internet... why should you get a freebie?  

I swear, I don't mean to be obnoxious or to make it hard on people... it isn't something I do intentionally or even consciously.  As I grow older though, I feel more and more like I have to find a way to let people into that part of my world, and it feels almost impossible.  I blame my lack of practice at it, because somehow it gets weird... like being in the middle of a conversation about soup and suddenly blurting out "I like turtles."  ("I love lamp"?)

I think I'll continue to add things to it over the years.  It might be fun to see how it grows over time, like me.  Is it odd that I feel a certain fondness for this little jar of sand?  It's like projecting myself into something tangible and more "permanent" in this world than I am.  (I use the word permanent loosely... science wins)