Thinking Without Words

Have you ever known something, and yet not really understood what it is you know? I realize this sounds paradoxical, but I had a weird moment of "Ooohhh, I get it" the other day. A few minutes of Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman was on the television the other night, and they were talking about the concept of consciousness in colonies of ants and other creatures, like the octopus. He made a statement about humans not knowing what it's like to think without words and I was immediately insulted. "I do that all the time..." was my immediate and confused response to my husband. Dear husband then proceeded to raise his eyebrows at me like I was nuts... and he's an intuitor.

Every canned explanation of INTJ's, and even of intuition, talks about thinking in abstract terms that are "difficult to put into words" and knowing things without being sure how you know them. A work friend dismisses intuition as complete B.S. and not a legitimate way of knowing anything. They see it as simply arriving at conclusions without the effort of actually thinking about it, and so it isn't a valid conclusion because it lacks the logical, conscious thoughts that would support it. In a very scientific manner of speaking, I agree with them, however I cannot dismiss or ignore that part of me because I've seen it in action too many times.

Here's a weird thing. I've been consciously aware of the fact that I'm thinking about a problem before and yet knowing that my "thoughts" aren't tied to words or even images. In those moments I even surprise myself with the conclusions I arrive at because I rarely know what will come out of my mouth until I start talking after one of these "comatose" moments. It tends to happen most often when I'm in a group of people who are trying to solve a problem. I retreat into my own head, stare blankly at the table and feel the problem. Ugh, I know how that sounds, but it's the only way to describe it. It is very quiet in my head. In that moment it is as if my brain is moving puzzle pieces around on a slate, trying to find the piece that doesn't fit. I sense that my eyes are darting back and forth in tiny twitches as if scanning something that isn't there. There comes a moment in the synthesizing that my mouth starts moving, and sometimes it's a question that comes out, and other times it's a statement of observation. Very rarely is it an actual solution... my brain doesn't seem to want that. What it wants is to understand consciously whatever in the hell just happened with the blank-slate puzzle pieces. Usually it's a more solution oriented person in the group that picks up my observations or the answer to my question and presents a possible solution to the problem. My brain then tries to synthesize their solution against what it knows to see if there is any flaw... which results in more questions or statements.

Sometimes I offer a solution that is so far out of the path we were on that people look at me like I'm daft... but solutions only arrive after complete understanding. It can take me a while to reach that point and feel satisfied that I'm not missing something. 

With very complex problems, I have been known to stare blankly at a wall or desk for great lengths of time... thinking without words. It's like a deck of cards being shuffled randomly through a scanner that attempts to make connections. If there were words to the shuffling, maybe it would sound something like: Red. Black. Number. Letter. Picture. Queen. Hat. Club. Hit. Pain. Blood. Lust, Red. Black. White. Clear. Plastic. Ocean. Openness. Water. Boat. Queen. Columbus. Shoreline. Trees. Hills. Calm. Green. Red. Christmas. Bells. Gold. Sing. Words. Letters. Numbers. Black. Red. It is with this randomness and repetitive linking of seemingly unrelated things that is the foundation of intuition, except that it is much more subconscious, and they aren't linear. It's a spider web of ideas, concepts and things all tied together with a billion little knots. How do you explain that without sounding like a lunatic? 

Most of the time I don't think I could give anyone an accurate representation of how I reached a conclusion without asking questions. That's where it all seems to be based. I don't even see the whole picture in my head when I start explaining, but I know the question it starts with, and I know the end conclusion, and I can build the bridge for them by following my own questions, out loud, one at a time. Sometimes I start to explain and then abruptly stop with a comment like "No, never mind, that won't work." because the bridge can't be built in words, or perhaps when it was put into words it triggered some other path of analysis that brought the other issues with it to light for me. 

Apparently this type of "thinking" isn't normal? Even knowing what the descriptions say about the INTJ mentality, I didn't get it. I always thought "Of course my ideas are abstract, all thoughts are just fleeting moments of consciousness that have to be built out for the world to process." The funny thing is... I thought that the act of having to put an idea INTO words after having the idea was something everyone did. It never occurred to me that there are people who literally THINK, in words, every single part of their existence. That sounds exhausting. What a cacophony of noise that would be inside the mind! How would a person ever get any rest? That seems like the utmost level of stress to have to live like that. I prefer the calm, placid waters of my consciousness, even knowing that underneath the surface there is a whirlpool of activity. I realized a long time ago that I have many, many thoughts that never fully reach consciousness.  (See this blog post) What I didn't realize is that what I call my "subconscious" may not actually be the same thing that others consider to be "subconscious". Maybe that is actually my conscious awareness, but it doesn't operate in the same way as it does for others. I never considered anything that wasn't actual words to be conscious thought, and yet it drives me to make real, vocalized conclusions about the world. Am I wrong? 

I don't know that any of us can answer that question. There has been debate through much of human history about what it means to be self-aware, conscious and "human". I do know how surprised I was to hear Morgan Freeman tell me that humans don't think without words. What about people who are deaf or who never learned words in the way most people do? Whoever wrote that script is obviously not thinking in the manner that I think, or even considering other ways of looking at the world. Stupid Morgan Freeman with his uber calm and explanatory voice can suck an egg and shall forever bear the brunt of my annoyance with the statement, since I can't find the person who actually wrote it. Whatever movie I see him in from now on will be tainted with his haughty confidence in spewing untruths. Poor guy. I used to like his acting. Now he's doomed. I'll never believe another explanation he provides and hope he is eaten by a movie set shark like Samuel L Jackson in Deep Blue Sea as he gives his Kumbaya speech. 

Morgan Freeman: "Misty, you can't think or know something without words, it just isn't possible..." 
Me: "You should watch out behind you... I can't explain how I know that, but you should."
Queue: Eaten By Shark